My Gosh, Your Tan Lines!
by Working-On-Sanity
Summary: Team Rocket decided to spend a day at the beach. Jessie found a man; James, as always, ruined her chance of a date. It wasn't that Jessie hated him for it - she just wished he wouldn't flaunt the fact that he looked good in a two-piece. Hints of Jessie/James. Implied Brock/Jessie.


**Author's Note: **Smudges of RocketShipping, a little chunk of BrocketShipping... eh. This story is sillier than what I'd normally write, but it is Pokemon. It's deserving of silly.

Here's a fair warning to all of you "James-is-stick-straight" people: James is gooier in this story than he is in canon. Or whatever you call it. He really isn't as bad as Jessie and Meowth tease. However, to reiterate (because I know some RocketShippers are very loyal to their ship): in this story, I'm implying that James has a tank more than halfway full of sugar. If you can stomach that, read on.

* * *

"Today is simply the perfect day for going to the beach, isn't it?"

James's eyes crinkled at the corners, his wide smile seeming to make the gold pinwheels spin. He walked in long, bouncy strides that ruffled his ponytail and jarred his sunglasses askew over his nose. The moist gray sand crunched and ground beneath the soles of his thong sandals.

Nonchalantly, Jessie tossed her head. Her long red ponytail snaked over her bare shoulder.

"If you ask me, _any _day is perfect for the beach." A mischievous grin curved her lips and dimpled her chin. "Of course, that's just because the beach is always practically swarming with guys. Especially during the prime surfing tides. That's when the most delicious hunks show up."

James poked his finger under the neon green frames of his sunglasses, easing them up his forehead to expose his eyes. The yellow flecks caught the sunlight and sparkled.

"Really, Jess!" he said, exasperation deepening his voice. "We don't come to the beach just to watch boys."

"Yeah, you twos don't come all this way just to _watch_," Meowth said. He sounded as if he agreed with James until he slyly added, "You twos takes action."

"Meowth!" James snapped the arms of his sunglasses against the bow and swatted Meowth with them. "You keep that gigantic mouth of yours shut. I don't come to the beach for that and you know it."

"You're right," Meowth said. "You also come to work on your tan and get them yallow sun-streaks in your hair." His whiskers crinkled around a sweet smile.

"Well," James said with a sniff, tipping up his chin in an exaggeratedly haughty way. "I should think that you would appreciate that I at least try to look my best. Unlike certain other people."

Jessie crunched her fingers into a firm fist and slammed her knuckles into James's shoulder. James yipped and ducked, clutching his arm and gazing up at Jessie like a kicked puppy.

He whined, "Whatever was that for?"

"Calling me ugly, you pinhead."

Before the argument could escalate, Meowth darted ahead, stepping lightly to avoid squishing sand between his toes. He paused, tucked his paws against his chest, and roved his gaze over the vast expanse of soggy gray beach.

"Contrary to what ya'll say," Meowth said, "this definitely ain't no perfect day to soak sun."

James squinted into the sky. Sulky, thin gray chalk-wash clouds oozed from the corner of the sky and gathered in a filmy veil around the pale sun. A humid breeze wafted along, rustling through the palm fronds and swirling James's bangs against his cheeks.

"No matter," he said brightly and hiked his striped tote bag farther up his bruised shoulder. "I'm going to buy a lemonade. Come along?"

Meowth yawned, his tongue curling against his teeth. "Nah, don't believe I oughta."

"No way," Jessie said. She dropped her bag to the ground and crouched beside it, digging out a wadded towel. "I'm parking right here. There's a better view of the surfers, if you know what I mean. But you can buy a lemonade for me."

James pressed his lips together against a sigh and stuck out his hand.

"What?" Jessie said, cutting a sidelong glare at him.

"The vendor stand isn't a charity organization. Give me some money."

"Oh, silly me." Jessie pressed her forefinger against her chin. "I forgot my wallet. Can't you spare just enough to buy me a drink? It's what a good gentleman would do."

"Gentleman, schmentleman," James said. "Fine, I'll treat you, but just this once."

Jessie lifted her shoulder flirtatiously and fluttered her thick black lashes. "Oh, I knew you would. Such a darling, our Jimmy. Don't you think, Meowth?"

"Save it," said James. He perched his sunglasses on the top of his head and shook out his bangs until they fluffed around his face.

Jessie grinned knowingly. "Get me pink lemonade if they have it."

"Your wish is my command," James said snidely. He brushed past Meowth, his heels sinking into the sand when he tromped toward the refreshment stands.

By the time he returned with two frosty glasses, Jessie had already spread out the threadbare towels and strewn about her things. Her portable radio lay on the towel, along with her makeup bag, combs, and shirt. Wearing her slinky bikini, Jessie sat crosslegged and held a bulky pair of binoculars against her squinted eyes. Meowth sprawled beside her, absently licking his leg.

"Jessie!" James leaned over and pushed the binoculars down. Jessie blinked in the flood of light and glared at James's scowling face.

"What?" She looked at the tall cloudy glass of pink lemonade he held. Beads of condensation rolled down its sides and a thin circle of lemon was twisted over the sugar-coated rim.

"Oh, how cute." She beamed with delight as if she had never been cross and pried the glass from James's hand. Her hand rested lightly on his for a moment.

"Jess, what are you doing with those binoculars? As if I don't already know."

A shrug rippled through Jessie. "I thought we talked about this already. I'm looking for surfers. It's easier to pick out the biggest guys with these." She patted the binoculars. "You can help me search. I'm hunting for the biggest, tannest, sexiest guy here. I know the perfect one's around; I just can't find him."

Slowly, the anger faded from James's face and the faint wrinkles that bunched between his eyebrows flattened. He plopped to the towel between Jessie and Meowth, folding his legs to his chest.

"Found anyone suitable?" he said after awhile.

"Suitable?" Jessie snorted. "The only men I've seen so far are pale skinny ones that look like their tank is half full of sugar. Ones like you."

Meowth rolled to his back, exposing the soft white fur of his stomach. He gave a melodramatic groan.

"Oh, the travesty," he said, draping his paw over the coin on his forehead. "Jess might have to go one day without a date. Alert the media. The world is about to end as we know it."

James smothered a laugh when Jessie leaned over, popping her palm sharply against the back of Meowth's head. His ears pinned tightly.

"Quiet down, Meowth. I can't concentrate with you yowling." But Jessie blew a gusty sigh up her forehead and slouched, making her cleavage deepen. She rubbed at her temple wearily.

"This is going to be a lousy day if I have nothing to show for it." On impulse, she thrust the binoculars into James's hands. The metal adjustment rings were scorching hot and the rubber grips were sticky with sweat.

"What do you want me to do?" James said, staring at Jessie.

Jessie swiped a bottle of suntan lotion and squeezed a large glob into her palm. Vigorously she began coating her slender legs with the slime.

"I want you," she said with honey-rich patience, "to scour the shores for any man that looks like he'd be good to neck with. Then let me see him and I'll decide whether I want to waste my time on him. And don't you dare start getting turned on over just any old thing with biceps."

"Lay off, Jess," Meowth said, bored with their conversation. "A body can get pretty sick of playing peacekeeper, you know. Give Jim a break."

"Thank you," James said. Huffily, he raised the binoculars to his eyes, painstakingly scanning the distant waves. Water churned and foamed under waxed surfboards. For some time, all James saw were women. Middle-aged women with fading skin and sagging stomachs; young girls in frilly one-pieces; teenaged girls in expensive bikinis that rivaled even Jessie's in terms of high fashion.

James sighed.

"What was that?" Jessie said, craning her neck and cracking one eye open. "A bored sigh or a lovesick sigh?"

Bristling, James said, "A very bored one. Jess, I've seen nobody you'd approve of. There's only girls out there."

"You were looking at girls?" Suddenly interested, Jessie sat up. Her tanned skin glowed with a sheen of sweat and lotion. "Are you finally turning around, James?"

"Shut _up._ And stop making all these cracks about me. I wasn't looking at anyone like that."

"Oh." Realization made Jessie ease back onto the towel. "You were trying to guess how expensive their bathing suits are, weren't you?"

James snapped the sides of the binoculars together and tossed them into his tote bag. "I'm sick of playing this dumb game," he said. "I'm going to do what normal people do at the beach."

He flopped face-down on the towel and stretched his legs. A delicious ache tugged at his joints, and he breathed a soft moan against his folded arms.

The rushing roar of the ocean sounded like muffled applause. He imagined the hard gray water swirling against the craggy rocks. A towering wave flapped toward them, foam riding it, and it slammed against the rocks. It shattered, cold saltwater spraying. Seagulls flapped above, gargling and hawking hoarsely.

"This is nice," James said. A chilly breeze skimmed off the ocean and ghosted over his bare legs.

"Nice?" Jessie said belligerently, and James winced. "What would be nice is finding a handsome guy."

"What would be nice," said Meowth, "is you with a closed mouth."

James silently swiped his finger through the air, as if marking a point on a scoreboard. Meowth grinned.

With the warm sunlight spreading over his back and the ocean muttering behind him and the scent of cocoanut lotion filling his nose, James dozed with ease. He was in the middle of an extremely satisfying dream about living in a ritzy island resort when Jessie sat bolt upright beside him.

"Did you see that?" The words tore from her lips as a ragged gasp. Startled, James twisted around, his heart swelling up into his throat. Meowth's ears pricked.

Jessie directed one long purple fingernail at the ocean, and her hand quivered.

"What is it, Jess?" James said urgently, scooting closer to gently touch his fingertips to her elbow. "Jessie, answer me. Are you hurt? Jessica!"

She pointed again. James followed her gaze, dreading what he might see, and nearly crumpled with relief.

Strolling along the mushy shoreline was a tall, sun-browned teenager. His short dark hair was combed back and spiked with dampness. His developed muscles bulged and knotted beneath his wet skin as he walked. Under his arm he carried a splashy-print surfboard.

"Him," Jessie said. She shook herself as if to dislodge the cobwebs from her mind. "I have _got _to talk to him. He's darling. Look at those legs."

"Jessie––" James said warningly, but quickly helped himself to another glance at the young man. He scowled. "Jess, he probably has a girlfriend somewhere. The good-looking ones are always taken."

"What does that say about you, Mister Single-For-Life?" Jessie pushed herself to her feet and began cramming her makeup into her bag. Suddenly she paused.

"I hope I didn't smudge my mascara. Is it okay?"

James peered closely. Jessie's glittery blue eyeshadow enhanced the iciness of her eyes. Her red brows arched at a seductive angle, and her lips were a peachy pink cupid's-bow.

"It's horrible," James said.

"Really?" With horror, Jessie began clawing through her bag in search of a compact mirror.

Guilt finally overwhelmed James and he said, "I was only teasing. It's fine, Jess, really. You're beautiful as always."

Jessie slapped his cheek with such force that James squawked and Jessie's hand burned. James cringed, his shoulders arching defensively.

"Humor is wasted on a snake like you," he said.

"Air is wasted on a numbskull like you," Jessie retorted. She drew back her fist and James slunk low to the ground.

"Now," she said, "you and Meowth stay here. You are not, under any circumstances, to follow me."

"You mean to say you ain't needing a chaperone?" Meowth said idly, lapping at the tufts of fur between his toes.

"I'll slug you, too," Jessie said, squeezing the threat from between her clenched teeth. "Both of you are embarrassing. I'll never get a date with you around. You two are freaks. Ready for the funny farm. I might as well apply to put you two in a home somewhere. An institution."

James nodded at the ocean, his eyes round and glazed with innocence. "Your boy's getting away."

"No!" With a strangled cry, Jessie grabbed up her sandals and jammed her toes into them, tearing over the beach after the boy. Sand flew up in a trail behind her. She ripped through a flock of seagulls, and in a flurry of feathers and squalls, the terrified birds sailed into the sky.

"Silly," James said. He tightened his ponytail with a jerk and looked at Meowth, whose large head rested on his paws. Meowth returned the steady gaze.

"Think she'll make any progress?"

James laughed. "Of course, for a while. She can somehow get whatever she wants if she bats those blue eyes of hers. She can reel a man in fast, but won't ever hold him for long."

"You almost sound jealous."

"I most certainly am not." James hesitated, then said casually, "Jealous of who?"

Meowth smirked. "Of Jessie and her weird powers of seduction. You can bat dem big green eyes of yourn, too, but all you seem to reel in is teenage girls."

"Don't remind me," James said, pressing his fingers to his forehead. "Jessilina and Temacu were more than I could handle. It nearly makes me appreciate Jessie."

With an exaggerated yawn, he raised his arms high above his head, curving his back in a stretch. He relaxed and smiled vaguely.

"Want to put lotion on my back?"

Meowth paled beneath his whiskers. "'Bout as much as I want to kiss a Magikarp right on the slimy lips."

James sulked, stubbornly locking his arms over his skinny chest. "I'll burn. I'll fry to a crisp."

"So be it."

James's pout hardened into a scowl, and he muttered while he dug through his bag in search of suntan lotion. He unscrewed the cap, poured an enormous blob of oil into his hand, and patiently worked it into his smooth legs until they glistened.

"You smell like a cocoanut factory," Meowth said.

"Mmm, don't I?" James bent over, rubbing his nose against his knee. "Like an island resort..."

"You're scaring me, James. You're getting all lovey-dovey on yourself again."

"Oops, sorry," James said sarcastically. "Seeing as I have nobody else to go lovey-dovey on, it's rather hard to resist."

Meowth buried his face in his paws, his head sinking below his shoulders. "Every time you open your mouth, James, you say something that I'll never be able to forget."

"Honestly, Meowth. Grow up." James grabbed the hem of his oversized yellow blouse and tugged it off over his head. He crumpled it and stuffed it into his bag before squeezing another glop of suntan oil into his hands. A self-satisfied smile curved his lips as he smoothed his fingers gently over the arc of his shoulder, over the ridge of his collarbone and down his flat chest. He trailed his soft fingers down his stomach, and nudged them slightly beneath the crinkled waistband of his baggy shorts.

"James, this is a _public _beach." Meowth's expression withered, as though he had just tasted a mouthful of bile. "We ain't shooting no X-rated movies here."

"Oh, so you _were _watching." James simpered. "I never would have guessed you're a pervert, Meowth."

Meowth's ears lowered, wrinkling against his crown. Under his breath, he said, "Speaking of a pervert..."

James glanced up to see Jessie strolling toward them. She looked soaked, but her face glowed with delight. Her hair, darkened with water, coiled down her shoulder and stuck to her glittering skin. She walked with her hand cupped under the handsome tanned boy's elbow.

"She hooked him?" James said in disbelief. Meowth rolled his eyes and continued scraping his tongue over his foreleg.

The closer Jessie and the boy came, the more James noticed that he really was handsome. His packed muscles shifted in his chest and stuck out in chiseled sinews along his arms. He gave Jessie a dazzling smile, and white teeth flashed against his gold skin.

"I really must give Jessie props on this one," James whispered to Meowth. "That kid's smiling at her. He's either really amazed by her, or he's really stupid."

Jessie said something to the boy, and he laughed heartily. His slanted eyes shone. Jessie beamed, but her gaze slid to the towel on which James lounged. Suddenly all the joy drained from her face.

"She's acting odd," James said distantly. "Perhaps she's realized how great I look and she's afraid she has competition."

"Give it a rest, nancy-boy," Meowth said. "I swear you're as bad as Jessie."

Now Jessie curled her fingers into the boy's arm and planted her heels into the ground, urging him away. He seemed to protest, gesturing toward James and Meowth. James squirmed uncomfortably.

The boy pried Jessie's fingers from his brawny arm, smiled at her, and loped toward the towel. A panicky look shadowed Jessie's face, and she jogged after him, her sandals slapping against the sand.

A mere few feet away from the towel, the boy froze. A strange expression settled on his strong features as he stared down at James and Meowth.

Panting, Jessie stopped behind the boy, and her hand went to her throat. Horrified, she looked down at James, and he cringed in anticipation.

"My gosh, James," she said weakly. "Your tan lines."

James licked his lips vaguely. "My what?"

Jessie pushed herself between James and the boy, blocking his view.

"James," she hissed out of the side of her mouth. "Your tan."

James glanced down at his chest, and his jaw slackened. Though not screamingly obvious, the faint white lines that cut through his tan looped around his shoulders and slanted down across his chest. The result seemed to have been made by a suspiciously bra-like garment.

"Acapulco's swimsuit contest," Jessie said, and that was all it took. The boy behind Jessie blanched, and spun around on his heel, grinding up sand. He broke into a run, shoving through the crowd and not stopping until he reached the shore. He grabbed his surfboard, rounded up a redheaded girl and a scrawny boy, and fled.

Jessie sank to the ground, ducking her head. Her sides trembled. For a long, terrible moment, James feared she would begin sobbing.

Her fingers shook and curled deep into the grainy sand, clutching and squeezing with all the force she could muster. When she raised her head, her eyes were drops of frozen steel.

James grinned nervously and drew himself into a very small ball, wrapping his arms around his legs and hugging them close. How had anyone expected him to remember something trivial as a bikini model contest?

Had Jessie sat and stewed in her hatred and betrayal any longer, she would have swept to her feet, closed her hands around James's neck, and lashed him around until his eyes bulged. However, Meowth swiftly intervened, entirely unimpressed with them all.

"Good thing Jimmy saved you from an awkward situation, am I right?"

"I did?"

"James _saved _me?" Jessie said. She laughed a bitter, sardonic laugh. "Yeah, right. He saved me from a date with an adorable hunk. Sure."

Meowth slyly curled his tail around his flank. "You really don't know who that guy is, do you?"

"I was going to," Jessie grumbled.

"Jess, that kid stank of familiarity. He reeked of Pikachu. You had a fling with a twerp."

If Jessie had been pale before, now she blanched absolutely white. Her eyes widened. "What?"

James's mouth hung open.

"Yep." Meowth idly examined his claws. "Yep, Jess, you jest scored yourself a moment with the biggest twerp. What was his name again? Rocko? Something like that."

Slowly, Jessie stood, her eyes trained on the ground. She stepped to James's side, appearing so downcast that he nearly apologized. Jessie stood still for a long minute, before swinging back her leg and kicking an arc of sand into James's face. He scrambled upright, coughing and hacking. White dusted his hair and caught in his lashes.

"Thanks for being a pansy," Jessie said, practically spitting the words. Then, while James frantically scrubbed the grit away from his flaming cheeks, she smiled coyly. She put her fingertips against her lips and popped them lightly on the end of James's nose.

"And thanks," she said, in a softer tone, "for being a pansy."

* * *

**Author's Note: **For once, I wrote something that isn't dripping with angst. Ha.


End file.
